17 Things Stay-At-Home-Moms Want Their Husbands to Understand - TRM

17 Things Stay-at-home-Moms Want Their Husbands To Understand

All mothers have their days. The ones filled with frustration when you can’t bear to think of calming another temper tantrum or washing one more load of laundry. Wouldn’t it be great to have your husband understand every emotion you’re feeling? We all know that men and women are hardwired differently when it comes to showing and understanding emotion. Here are 17 things stay-at-home-moms want their husbands to understand:

1.) I do NOT want to be touched when you get home from work.

I promise I love you but these little people that we created are savages. I have been climbed on, jumped on and peed on (#boymom). I have been used as a human snot rag. The last thing I want after 9+ hours of constant contact is more contact.

2.) I DO want to be touched (eventually).

I crave your affection. After a full day of being “mommy” it’s nice to be reminded that I’m also a wife; that there was once a time you found me irresistible enough to put a ring on it. Now bring that sexy Dad-bod over here.

3.) There are days when I will need you.

I will need your wisdom, your thoughts, your support, your presence. I will need your support and need you to keep me grounded. You’re my rock.

4.) There are days when I will need space.

I might push you away but I will most definitely pull you back, in time.

5.) I want you but I’m too damn tired for sex.

Don’t let this be a kick to your ego. Before you wake up for work I’ve already changed and fed the baby, put away last night’s dishes and made a pot of coffee. There is a 5ft long mental list of things that need to be done and the toddler hasn’t even woken up yet. When I throw myself onto the bed after a midnight feeding, the last thing I want is “the poke.”  I love you, though.

6.) Tell me I’m beautiful.

I don’t care if there are spit-up stains on my yoga pants and there’s dried up Velveeta in my hair from the temper tantrum thrown at lunch. . . tell me I’m beautiful and entertain the kids while I shower.

7.) I wait ALL day for you to get home.

You know how our daughter runs to the door screaming “Dadddyyyyy!” when you get home from work?

I feel the same way. We miss you.

8.) But there’s a part of me that’s glad to see you go.

There’s a saying that “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Truth. We would drive each other crazy if we were together 24/7. And you know this, man.

9.)  I don’t mean to resent you but I sometimes do.

I know I’m blessed to have a man that provides for his family like you do. I know it isn’t your choice to work so hard.  You do what you have to do and I love you for it but you have your own identity outside of “Daddy.”

Me? I’m in fulltime ‘mom mode’ 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I miss that adult interaction.  I miss that feeling of accomplishment on payday. There was a time when you would ask what I did that day and I would have something interesting to say.  My answer now is usually along the lines of “changed diapers and did laundry.” That gets old.

10.) I miss my career

Circumstances happened and I had to quit my job. You know, the one that I hated and wished everyday I could leave to stay at home? Well, I got my wish but the grass isn’t that pretty shade of green I thought it would be. It’s more like 50 shades of baby crap. Literally. Pretty sure that stain on my favorite top might be. . . nervermind.

My point is that while I’m definitely thankful to stay at home with the kids, those feelings visit from time to time and reminds me that I’m NOT the one contributing financially. I’m NOT getting any mental stimulation (unless you count Barney teaching the ABC’s). I feel like I gave up many of my options while you get to expand yours. No, that’s not your fault, just try to understand.

11.) You’re my source to the outside world.

I depend on you to keep me filled in.

12.) I sometimes want to punch you in the face.

You know when you’re snoring at 3am and I’m cleaning up puke or changing sheets because our toddler wet the bed, or feeding the baby because he’s going through a growth spurt and has woken up 10 times? Of course you don’t. You’re snoring. 🙂 PS – I love how you think I sleep-in every morning. Ha. Haha.

13.) Other times, I don’t know what I would do if you ever got hurt.

Remember that time I had to slam on breaks and my arm shot out to block you from going forward? That’s my subconscious proving my love for you. I won’t punch you in the face. Promise.

14.) I think you have it so much easier

Yes, you work extremely hard but  are you responsible for keeping little people alive, safe, entertained and fed? Do you have to clean poop off of random items and then sterilize said items? And do I even have to mention the dad-voice? Why do these children only listen to you?  I gave them life and they mock me by doing everything I tell them not to do. Why is it that you only have to look at them a certain way for them to stop wreaking havoc? It’s not fair, I tell you!

15.) I have to remind myself how wrong I am

The days when you come home from work stressed and tired are a reality check for me.  You don’t have it any easier than I do. I get stressed about potty-training and isolation.  You have an entire family to provide for. Sometimes, I can be unreasonable and throw myself a pity-party but I’m human. You are setting such an example to our children and I am so very proud of you.

16.) We DO have awesome days!

Don’t you love those days when you get home and I jump into your hug? I love them, too.  Those days are the fuel that I use to plow through the hard ones.  Our children are healthy, strong and smart. They change and learn so much every day. Sometimes, I just stare at them in amazement and can’t fathom how we created such masterpieces.  I think I love you the most at times like this, when I see bits of you in them. They are God’s greatest gifts to us and our greatest gifts to each other.

17.) In spite of everything, I wouldn’t change anything.

Do I complain? Absolutely. Do I get overwhelmed? Every day. Would I change it? Not a chance.  I get to experience every milestone with our second child that I missed working full-time with our first.  That is  a blessing in itself.  At the end of the day, our children know that they are loved immensely.  They will eventually learn that life isn’t perfect and that mama (and daddy) did the best they could.  That’s the goal here, right?  That’s enough for me.  Thank you for making it possible.

Are you or have you been a stay-at-home-mom? Have you ever felt misunderstood or guilty about some of your feelings?

Tell me about it!

This post is from my viewpoint as a stay-at-home-mom and others that I have spoken with. It is not meant to devalue the sacrifices or feelings of a working mother. It is not to suggest that SAHM’s cope with more stress. I have also been a full-time working mom.  I know the struggle is real! Stay tuned for a post focused on the Working Mom.

*Note* I realize some of these make us look like a walking contradiction. Women in general have a lot of feelings! It’s not going to change.

 Accept it. Embrace it.

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Hi, there! I'm Danya, a 20-something mother of 2. We all know that everything in marriage and parenthood isn't perfect. Sometimes, we're all a little rusty. I'm so glad you're here! XOXO

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